Interview #36: Julieta Duvall : Exploring how self-awareness and resilience can transform parenting and education

Rick (00:01.234)

Hi everyone, I'm Rick Barron, your host, and welcome to my podcast, That's Life I Swear. 

My guest today is Julieta Duvall, and she is the founder of the Unschooling Lifestyle Program. 

Now, what if preparing our children for the future means letting go of what we think that future should look like? 

AI is changing careers all over. Now education itself is also being reimagined, and now parents are navigating a world where yesterday's definition of success may not fit tomorrow. Think about that. 

Since our last conversation about a year and a half ago, Julieta's own story has taken unexpected turns, challenging her ideas about education, identity, family and success. 

She is a children's advocate, a peaceful parenting mentor, and a human design practitioner. I can't wait to discuss that area.

She believes the key may be helping children discover who they are, not simply teaching them what to become. 

Today our conversation goes beyond unschooling. It's about raising self-aware, resilient human beings and what that might teach all of us about living our own lives. 

So please join me as I have my conversation with Julieta Duvall. 

Julieta Duvall, welcome to the show.

Julieta Duvall (01:25.634)

Thank you so much for having me, Rick. So happy to be here.

Rick (01:29.294)

It's great to have you. Like I said, about a year and a half ago we had the first opportunity, at least an opportunity for me to speak with you. And I walked away so excited and so educated to a different world that I had no idea existed and how it can help other parents. Since we last spoke, I know you shared that things have changed.

What changes have you come across?

Julieta Duvall (02:03.563)

I think some of the biggest changes that I have seen for us are that when we chose self-directed education, non-schooling, home education, I felt like we wouldn't have any other, like parenting difficulties or something like that. I felt like it would lead us away from that. But it really hasn't been difficulties; it's just like part of growing up. 

So, my younger son is going to be eight, so he chose to go to a self-directed center. So, it's not quite like a school, but he has the same functions as far as hours and stuff like that. So, I have seen through other friends that some of the challenges parents face will exist in school, and when you choose alternative education, they're bound to happen.

So that has been really interesting to navigate with some of the communities that I'm part of. So it's been good to have other people to lean into and to learn from as well.

Rick (03:16.178)

What have you learned from these people?

Julieta Duvall (03:19.085)

The one I'm working with right now is grief. So, generally speaking, we think of grief as when we lose someone that we have loved, that they are no longer here, their body is no longer here. So, we are grieving in the process of losing someone. 

But the same process of grief happens when your ideals of how parenting would be, how your life as a parent would be, how your life as a person would be, no longer match the before. So, I had an ideal of becoming a parent back in 2014 that I would have; I remember I wanted to buy everything without any chemicals.

And I wanted to be the parent with, you know, I was a first-time parent, so there's a little bit of grace on that because it was a first-time thing, so I wanted no chemicals, I wanted no preservatives, I wanted nothing. And then I soon realized that I couldn't really, you know, I couldn't fall into that path because it was just overwhelming to me, because I didn't l live my life like that before.

So, it wasn't an easy transition. But what I learned lately is that that process, that mismatch of expectations, carries a level of grief that I didn't really tend to. It's like it happened, or I realized that I couldn't be that parent. So I just kind of moved on. But there was no time for reflection. So, I noticed now that

My thanks to my community, two beautiful ladies that we have kind of brought into our lives; it's like there's space to tend to that and to move forward. So, there's more closure. There's closure with those expectations that were not met at the beginning.

Rick (05:20.242)

That's true, wow. Well, just to share with you, I know when I lost my parents- one passed away in twenty sixteen, and the other in twenty nineteen- you know, I looked at my world differently. And to your point, when you know they left this earth, I don't know what it was, but I started looking at life through a completely different prism. You know, I looked at each day as

I have to celebrate each day. I want to celebrate each day because you never know when your time is up. Sure, old age will come eventually. But sometimes, you know, I've seen friends of mine who have passed away, much younger than me, and it just sets the alarm that you don't take life for granted because you will change once you lose someone that's really close to you. 

You'll adjust, but everyone's going to deal with grief in their own manner. So that's another thing in itself. I know a while back when we had a discussion, you shared with me that parenting happens in seasons. What does that mean? I mean, that's a very interesting description.

Julieta Duvall (06:22.433)

Absolutely. Yes, it's so beautiful. So, I know what I think about that when you, you know, when I heard that just now, reheard it, right? Because I said it before, there are seasons that just go too fast. It's like summer. 

Like, I think the beginning of parenting, it's like winter; skip spring, you go into summer because summer, you know, it goes fast. There are all these activities, especially since I live in the Midwest. So for us, summer is really short, but it's really busy. People tend to pack a whole bunch of activities. We tend to try to enjoy most of it because we know winter is going to be here whether we like it or not. 

So I feel like the beginning of parenting threw me in for a loop, and people say, like, enjoy it. There would be no sleep and all of those things, but really nothing prepares you for when it's your turn. And then there are, so now, like I said, my youngest is going to be eight, so he's seven. Around six, I notice they don't need me as much. So, there's a slowdown in the sense of

Rick (07:37.566)

Mm-hmm.

Julieta Duvall (07:53.497)

They're pretty self-sufficient. So, my little one, if he's hungry, he will make himself a grilled cheese sometimes. Or if I'm doing something, they will help each other out. They will ask each other for help. My oldest is twelve, so they will talk to each other. If they want something, if they want to go to a restaurant, they will talk to each other first before they come to me. It's the plan. 

So, I noticed I'm not necessarily needed; they're starting to become independent because before, they needed me for, you know, a clothing change, a diaper change, or something. There are some things that I still think I need to do, and they're like, No, we already did it. So that season now for me is to realize that there's a little bit more openness in time.

Time, and he feels awkward, actually, because sometimes the kids will go to my parents and spend the night over there, and my husband and I will find each other and be like, there's like quiet time. There's like actual conversation time, you know, and I'm like, we haven't had this for a very long time. So there are changes and transitions. And it's just so nice to have time to notice that. Yeah, I really enjoy that reflection, actually, all the time. Yes.

Rick (09:25.076)

Going back a little bit deeper to what you said, you said that your children are now at that stage where they don't need mom or dad, and they're becoming more independent. How did that begin to register with you? Did you feel like, well, I could have d helped you with that; you don't need my help? How did that play in your mind?

Julieta Duvall (09:52.833)

It plays really well, though. It really does surprise me because I feel like I never really thought of those moments like, one day you will be able to cook your own pizza or one day you will be able to, and there are simple things, right? Like it's not like they're driving themselves, or there, you know, making payments on whatever. 
 
 They're very simple things, but they're essential. And I just love seeing them gain those skills and just that ability to be able to do that for themselves and not be completely dependent on me. So, but yeah, so I really like that. I just love seeing them become the people who will eventually be adults, the people who will probably become parents, because believe it or not, they both talk about being parents right now. And I'm like, okay.

So, we have a cat named Bloom, and my youngest one says that's his child. And I'm like, okay, so he has taken responsibility. He feeds her all the time; he changes her water bowl, you know, there are filters, and it's interesting to see to me how they already think about that.

So, I know they'll both be great partners, and they will both be great parents too at some point. And it's just, I don't know, I don't know why. I mean, I never really thought about that, but they are growing up, right? So, one day they will do those things, I think.

Yeah, they're all starting those various stages of the climb to adulthood. Now, for the benefit of the audience, you started with last when I first met you, probably prior to that, the unschooling lifestyle program. How does that differ from the child going to a regular established school, if you will? What's the difference between that that comes into play here?

Julieta Duvall (11:41.132)

Yes, mm-hmm, yes. Time connection perception. So, when we begin as parents, and then there's like the toddler age and stuff like that. And usually, the first conversation once they're about two and a half to three, if you talk to other parents, the first question will be like, what school will they go to? Essentially, you're starting to look for that. We've been conditioned to start to look for that next step.

Because suddenly, you were qualified- a qualified person to take care of them up until then. And then after that, we've been told that they need to go somewhere to learn. So, when we chose home education and quickly transitioned to unschooling, which is technically life, it really stands for life without school. And but it doesn't st it doesn't mean life without education. That was a huge thing I had to get over because I also thought education happened in school. 

So, I was also the one looking for a school when my son was 10 months old. So, I was really in the know about what society said. So, my time was spent looking at how to please this need that society had of me, that I needed to place my child in school.

So, when you choose home education, you have time to keep the connection you have built with this human being and reinforce it. You have time; your perception of what is needed begins to change. Do they need to read by age six? That’s needed in the school system because the way information is given to them, it's delivered to them, is through books.

So you begin to realize it may not be exactly what they need in that moment. So your perception begins to change; your time begins to look a little bit different. You're not rushing into everything that society tells you. And then your connection with this human being begins to grow.
 
 That connection will diminish when your child enters the school system because everyone is tired. And we all must work, and I understand this is a point where not everyone can do it. It really is a financial thing; your finances will take a hit if you want a parent to stay home. So there's financial difficulty and financial access. 
 

You know, there's different access there for families. So, I totally get it. But if you're able to do it, if you can, then your connection with your children will be different than if they go into a school.

Rick (15:06.312)

Have you met other people who were sending their kids to, quote-unquote, a regular school and then heard about your program and say, I'm going to try this? What kind of feedback have you received back, like, " Now I see why this is working or Yeah, there's a little hiccup, " or " Yeah, there's that financial hit. What have you heard back from those who have kind of dove into the program to give it a try?

Julieta Duvall (15:35.792)

So, what I heard is like it's almost like a roller coaster. It really is an emotional roller coaster for the parents, especially because when you start to live differently, there's a lot of pressure depending on the environment that you live in. So, I will get calls from former clients that they went to a family meeting and then some people, you know, some

Faraway relatives will say something, or they will talk about school and all of a sudden the fears come up. So, it feels like when you come to the decision, your core knows that that's the right decision, but there are still lingering effects from how society views education, success, and all of that. 

So, there are, I really feel that we are in such a transition period. Like when I was eighteen, I was just thinking about this. You know, there weren't cell phones. I didn't have a cell phone. And now your cell phone can record a whole podcast and produce it and edit and publish. And in just the short amount of twenty years, our technology has come to such a point that it is just so mind-blowing to people to think that back in the day, I mean, even still that there are states that still allow corporal punishment in schools. I think 19 states in the United States still follow that; they're under that. They may not do it, but it's still legally acceptable. So, to think back, you know, many years ago that was a thing, and then to

To think of how we see it now. The transition: some people still think it's okay. Some people think it’s completely outrageous. So, it's just there are so many transitions. We are constantly being divided into what was and what is going to be.

Rick (17:43.271)

That's kind of a good segue, and I mean, we talked about how AI is not coming into the fold here in education, and it's almost like you're kind of trapped because you feel like if the schools don't teach this, the kid's going to be left behind. And for some, it's just like, gosh, we went through COVID, and then we went through this. 

Now I have to worry about being an AI expert, so to speak, and you know, you don't know well what I teach these kids to at least get them somewhat prepared or some guidance to even when they make it to college, they're somewhat prepared to go a little bit deeper into that field or at least learn the mechanics of it. Because I'm still learning it, it just feels like every day we're going way too fast.

Julieta Duvall (18:37.803)

It is. I absolutely agree with you. It is going way too fast. And what I have seen, so I think I spoke to you about being in the sandwich generation. So, for me, that means my parents are in their 70s. My dad is 70. My mother-in-law, who moved in with us, is 74. And my kids are 12 and 7. My mom is 65.

Four. My mom's sixty-four. So, they're not super old. But I realized my dad retired about a year ago, and my mother-in-law recently retired. And I'll tell you why in just a minute. But what I see right now with my parents, especially with my dad, is that he worked his whole life.

He worked his whole life on providing for a family, but there was never really time for hobbies. There was never really time for creativity. There was nothing; there was nothing else outside of the need to provide for a family. My mother-in-law did the same thing. She raised my husband as a single mom. At one point, she had three jobs. So, there was always the need to survive.

And there was no other time for that. So what I noticed after they both stopped working was that they had a lot of time to ponder things, and it felt like they lacked the ability to occupy themselves with anything other than taking care of people.

So, when my mother-in-law moved in with us, she wanted to, you know, she wanted to clean, and she wanted to do laundry, and she wanted to do all those things. And I'm like, this is not what you're here for. Like, that isn't your job. But her job essentially has been taking care of people her whole life. So, she never had time to decide what she liked, whether she wanted to do that, whether something was good or not, or what she enjoyed. There was no time for her.

And I saw the same thing with my dad. So what I see with the kids now is that they have time to decide what they like to do and to ponder what it takes to go through different challenges. They don't need to survive because, obviously, they're children, so their needs are taken care of. But there is not even pressure from the school to do something fast and move through it. 
 
 They have the time to slow down and take care of that. So, I feel like at that point, really, us being in survival mode for so long, we forgot; we never really discovered what we liked. And now, towards the end of it, the narrative goes, as you work hard your whole life and once you retire, then you get to enjoy it. But by the time you get to enjoy it, there's so much backlog, you know; there's so much stuff that's backed up that you must filter through it. And if it comes too fast, I feel like it’s when retirement just feels like just like too much. It’s overwhelming almost.

Rick (22:04.434)

Yeah, those are good points. I guess for your parents and your mother-in-law, was it, you said? Yeah. You know, I guess they have this instinct that, sure, you're living here with you, but we also want to participate in the family by helping. I don't think they do it because, like, you know, I feel guilty, but…

Julieta Duvall (22:29.136)

Yeah, I really do, though. But I feel, you know, it's been something that we've been really navigating. I won't lie; it's been hard. It's been hard to bring another person into our dynamic. And I know there's nothing like that; that's what I need to do, but yeah, I do know that helping them makes them feel useful in a way. So, I know my dad really loves me, and I really love receiving help whenever I ask my dad. I'm like, I'm having a long day with my son, and we're coming back. I'm like, would you mind making some dinner because I'm just like utterly exhausted. And he's like, of course, no problem. So, I do notice that if I ask for stuff, they're always willing to help, and it always helps them.

But I wish they had more that they wanted to do for themselves, like, you know, other things that they would do. But I think they're getting there. My dad just got a bike, so he doesn't drive anymore. So that's another thing too. You know, he is restricted in mobility. So, I'm always trying to ask questions like, do you need to go somewhere? What can I take you somewhere? Because my mom works

And there's a lot of dynamics there that I feel I'm not responsible for it, but I am the oldest one, and I am the one that has more access as far as time. So I want to do that for them because they have always been helpful with us, and I just want to spend time with them too. But it's been challenging trying to meet everyone's needs, like the boys having to drive them to their activities and then having to ask my parents what they need and trying to meet those in the middle. And finding time for my own hobbies, it's been rough sometimes.

Rick (24:29.204)

Well, I mean, I've been there like you have. You know, before my parents passed away, my wife and I, gosh, in the last four or five years of their, you know, final years, it was tough going for them, but we were always there to take care of them. We made meals, we went over there, helped them with the laundry. And I got to a point where my father just couldn't drive. He tried because he always wanted to make sure my mom wanted to go someplace.

Julieta Duvall (24:48.43)

Yeah.

Rick (24:59.56)

But, you know, we kind of had a, you know, come-to-Jesus meeting one day and said, look, Dad can't drive this car anymore, or it was his truck. And I knew it was tough for them to give up the truck because you were taking away their independence. You know, so then we became reliant on them to drive us where we needed to go, and it just, you know, it's almost like, be careful what you wish for, because now you have to bear that responsibility, like I took something away from you. Now I need to help you get to where you need to go because I took that independence away. So, I couldn't sit there and say, gosh, do have to come over again? No.

Julieta Duvall (25:41.295)

Yeah, no, I totally get it. My dad was coming to terms, and he did it. I just kept asking him, like, you know, are you okay? Like, can you see? Because he got into an accident, and it wasn't so bad, but his eyesight is bad, and so is his reaction time. I think that was the last.

Finally, he said, " I think I'm ready to stop driving. But it really was asking him and making sure that he knew. I'm like, you need to tell me. Like, don't be afraid to tell me. My mom would be like, He needs to stop driving and I'm like, no, let him make that decision for himself because that's the only way that I feel

It was closure for him, for him to be able to have a say when that was the time. But we had several conversations prior to him really saying, I think it's time. So, they are difficult, absolutely. There's no doubt about it. Yeah, it was hard, for sure.

Rick (26:46.036)

So, kind of going back to this: the picture of AI and how it's impacting everyone today, from education to people who once had a job and now their job is gone. People are coming out of college; the low-entry jobs are now disappearing very quickly. But you made a statement to me when we were catching up a few months ago: when you know who you are, AI becomes your companion, not a threat. Can you unpack that for the audience? That’s a very interesting statement.

Julieta Duvall (27:23.822)

Yeah, as you mentioned in the introduction, I am a Human Design practice practitioner. And what I love about human design is that it helped me unpack myself as a person, far away from the conditioning I had from my parents and society about who I should be. So I was functioning under the model of I should choose one career, concentrate on that.

You know, they say you go to school, choose your passion, and develop that. And that's it. So, my human design isn't about one passion, but about many. It's about many passions that intersect with each other. And they have different seasons too, because my energy is excited about Podcasting, but right now I'm also excited about sewing. Completely random, people may say, but it is not. It's just really part of me. So, I never felt ashamed. I was shamed for having too many passions. 

I have my multipassionate personality; it's a strength for me. That's the way I'm able to make deeper connections. That's how I can make deeper reflections. I move fast. And not everyone moves like me. And that is totally okay. So, I got to really know and love what people thought were flaws. I got to really embrace them. So now that AI is here.

I don't have to be afraid of AI, and I'm not afraid of AI because I know how I function. I know that I have multiple passions, and I know that I have highs and lows. I know that. So, I know that AI, everyone is implementing it in a different way. My husband works in telecommunications, and there is a facet of his work that involves AI.

So, thousands of people are looking for that avenue to streamline their processes. So, to streamline their call centers, to help with customer support, with people who need verification and stuff like that. So they are adding it. And some of the conversations that my husband has to have with business owners is.

This isn't a replacement for a person. This is a tool that will support your staff. So, it's not so much that I love having conversations with my husband about his work, because it really gives me a sense of what that looks like. So, people are looking for ways to do things differently. 

And I no longer must feel bad about having multiple passions, but I feel like if I keep operating under the model of, I have to please society, then of course when AI comes in, if I no longer, if I'm not happy with what I'm getting from society, that I am good, you know, because external validation was huge for me. I worked under those themes. I wanted other people to validate me, but I now know I don't have to. 

I just have to follow my own strategy and authority. That's what it's called in human design. I have to follow my own cycle, my own rhythms, to enjoy this beautiful life and be grateful every day. I know that AI may help some people, and for some people, I do consider the environmental aspect of it because data centers are a big thing. So, I love that some people are advocating for that, but they are being built.

I don't want to say it's too late, but I think it's part of the evolution we're going to go through as a species. So by me feeling complete from that internal aspect, I think that's where I begin to see the outside world differently. And that's really where I'm at with it.

And I think that's where I'm concentrating with the boys as far as their decision-making, their ability to ask questions, their ability to see things differently, and to not just follow a path that's being told to them because that's the way it's been. I do think that there are so many things that need to change that asking questions is how we're going to get there to a different, to a change. 

Rick (32:27.368)

So, I would imagine, I mean, you say going back to what your husband was sharing with you, that you like talking to him about these things in his world. What else have you learned from him that you feel, okay, those are some good ideas; how can I weave that into how I'm educating my two children? How could you share that with someone else?

Julieta Duvall (32:56.857)

It's not a bad pressure, but I feel this urge to learn how to fix and mend clothes. You know, I'm reading a book about World War Two and it's about the rations that people had in the UK and how they couldn't buy any fabric and how it wasn't available and they couldn't use any metal stuff or all of that. So, I feel the like I said, it's not bad pressure. It's not pressure out of fear.

There is a desire to reconnect with nature, and I think that's the way we see it. So, my husband talks to so many business owners, there's a lot of call centers that are using AI to streamline their process. Like before they get to a human, they use their AI assistant to help. 

And I think if we order pizza, one of our favorite pizza places, they have an AI ordering system. And if you use it, they give you a discount. So, but sometimes it gets it wrong. So, we just go in and talk to the person. And we love that. So, I don't think AI is the answer for everything, but I feel like there are it's just here. It's just here. 

And for us is like I said, it really has been about going back to basics. I don't know. So, I've been thinking about a garden, you know, the mending clothes has been incredible. As I'll tell you, there's a many, many aspects of sewing, but that's the one I like. I don't know why. the boys are thinking about blacksmiths, and you know, just like little stuff like that. 

So, it's interesting for me to see what they're interested to. They're also interested in traits that are really, you know, that are not as common, like blacksmithing. It’s really different. And my youngest one will say that his digestive system is different. So, it's just really like the food is different. So, they're just it's interesting to me to see how naturally they are following the evolution that we are also that we're already part of. But obviously we have we have like an old version of it, you know, past and I don't know what the future is going to look like, but I know that there's we are adapting to it slowly and having time to do so has been really great.

Rick (36:34.854)

Yeah, I think it's come down to one has to learn in the world that we're in today, you know, you have to adapt, improvise and overcome. And if you don't do that, yeah, you're probably going to fall behind. But to your love for sewing, you know, my wife loathes to sew. I mean we even created a in our garage with we revamped the whole garage so it's like a man cave.

Julieta Duvall (36:44.059)

Yes.

Rick (37:03.528)

And we have a cabinet to where she now has her own sewing equipment and everything. And then I bought her this table that you can unfold when you open the cabinet. And it even has a measuring tape embedded in the table. But you know, I watch her when she starts pulling everything together and I thought, “Well, how does this work”, you know.

Julieta Duvall (37:25.55)

It's amazing. It's amazing. I mean, do you like the math that goes into sewing? I mean, it is incredible. I mean the math; I mean s I mean it's the math is matching when you're sewing because those seam allowances are absolutely out of this world. Like I am just still struggling with that a little bit, but it is it's just fascinating. So I love that she does that too.

Rick (37:48.213)

Yeah, well that kind of is a good segue here to the sewing, there was a I don't know if it was a school or not, up north of us, not that far away where they have the ability to bring people in to learn the art of sewing. So, you've had teenage girls go in there, boys. I couldn't believe it when I saw it on the news. And they were learning how simple it was to stitch or create something. And I think that was the key part for me, the creation, how to pull it together, going back to basics. And I think that's why today with AI becoming more prevalent, kids are finishing high school but now they're going into the trades. Being a plumber, being an electrician.

Julieta Duvall (38:20.956)

Yes.

Rick (38:40.274)

Because I've come across some of these people who I've known for quite a few years. And like my gardener. He has his old pickup and his equipment and he does the gardening. And he's been doing it for several years. And then I forgot to pay him one week and I say, Can you come back to the house? And I'll you know, give you your money, sure I can do that. Drives up in a Mercedes.

Julieta Duvall (39:08.722)

Okay. I am not there I am not there with sewing, but I am looking forward to follow on his footsteps for sure.

Rick (39:14.622)

But what I'm saying, there is honor in all types of work. And I think for these kids today they're discovering, yeah, it's a new skill. You know, being an electrician takes a lot of adaptability, learning the various mechanics of how you work with electricity. people who want to go in w who want to be a fire person.

Julieta Duvall (39:19.43)

Yes.

Rick (39:39.227)

It's there's a new life there. I think people are now beginning to realize to your point, going back to basics, what's wrong with that? I don't mind, you know, getting into the dirt and being a gardener or, you know, fixing a electrical box because there there's honor in that craft. And I think that people who I mean we've had people who did some modest renovation on our house lately and we had a door replaced.

And then the painter who came by to paint it, he did an okay job, but we had to have it redone. Well, this other guy from the same crew came back and he looked at it and said, well, I could tell immediately this is not right. So, he re-did everything. And he showed me I want you to feel the door before I do the sanding. Okay. And he was a sanding and sanding, saying come back now. Now feel it. I said, my gosh, it feels like silk.

I said, “Why did you do so much sand? He said, because that's the rule of thumb. When you then apply the paint, it goes on like butter. So, he was so I found him so impressive because he took great pride in his work. And you could tell he had been doing it for several years.

Julieta Duvall (40:54.982)

Yes. And I really think that's it's so fabulous. Like we have lost that in this world of like Quaker, you know, that New York Minute dash of saying like you want everything in a New York Minute. It's not like that. Experience doesn't work like that. But I think we have been given this like narrative that that it can happen and we are going back to knowing that.

It doesn't happen overnight. And then there is value in the trades, but also within the trades, I think there is the value of flexibility, right? Because as a person that does if you do a trade, you may not have to work 40 hours a week or 50 hours a week like a person that works a corporate job. You may find more value, more reward in you in what you do, and the monetary value with less time. And to me, that's the biggest piece though. Like financial flexibility, but also time flexibility to be able to do stuff, it's super important. And sometimes the traits are able are allowed you to do that. 

So yeah, I just I never work in a corporate job, you know, like I always been flexible, been in jobs really that have always been flexible to me. So, it's hard for me to imagine what that looks like, but I know that after COVID, people realize that that's not what they wanted. 

So, everyone started to look for different avenues to both meet their financial need and also gain that that flexibility with their time to do or them to pursue their creative passions and stuff like that. And I think a lot of people are making that happen. So, it makes me happy.

Rick (42:47.11)

No, that's good to hear. So I don't know if I asked you this question already. So, from the time we last spoke to what you're seeing today with what you're doing with your program, what has been some of these excesses and some of the things that didn't quite work for you that taught you something about how do I proceed and refine that problem that I had and now I fixed it. 

Can you give any examples? Because I'm sure you've come across some things that what once were and now, they're somewhat different. It has been modified because you realize, well had that not happened, I would not have been able to improve it to what it is now.

Julieta Duvall (43:34.011)

Yeah, I think I think most of this is most of the improvement, honestly, it's me, the parent. Like all the work all of the work, all the improvement has been me, the parent, of regulate learning how to regulate my emotions. 

So, I know for a fact, and this is in no way to shame my mother or how I grew up. I grew up in a house where they both did what they what they could and what they what they were able to do. But I know that my mom's emotional regulation, my mom's ability to regulate her emotions were not always the best. And I think I was slowly unpacked in my journey too because I was also the same.

You know, I had a hard time regulating my emotions at the beginning of my parenting journey. And I have said in the past, kids will come and show you where the work is. And boy, they did. They showed me. They put they shone a light on all of the things that I had to work on. So, I think the improvement without them, without that work, I wouldn't be able to be open to them.

I want to do this program today and three months later say, well, I think we are done with this program and I'm like, okay. So, there's a lot of theirs, there's a lot of movement, there's a lot of pieces that move for us because I must do a lot of logistics. So, but I am now okay with it. So, because it's just slow. So, I'm not rushing through parenting. 

I'm not rushing through I'm not rushing the kids for them to grow up to be adults and find their own way. Like, I, yeah, we're not rushing. So, I think a lot of them without the early challenges of my emotional dysregulation, because I'll be open, I was a hot mess. I'll tell you that I was a hot mess. My husband can tell you, my husband was great. He held space for me. 

He told me some of the hard truths that a lot of the early decisions were about me, about trying to make myself feel better. and he was able to also show me where the work was. So, I think that has improved how we live our life today. yeah, I think I am the biggest story of success.

Rick (46:20.08)

No, that's a very open and honest answer. So, you know, pat yourself on the back cause you know, describing earlier about your parents and your mother in law moving in and your children, you know,  you're juggling a lot of emotional like I said, hand grenades. And it yeah, it could take its toll on one. And you know, my wife always told me, you know, you can only control what you can control. And at times I just tell you I don't accept that premise but I realize, well, that's true. You know, there's nothing I can do about it.

Julieta Duvall (46:56.451)

No. And it is I love that you said hand grenades because honestly my emotions can feel like hand grenades. And I and it's been really I mean, my mother-in-law brought her moving in brought a lot of the work that I needed to do in regard to my own mom about how life felt with my mom in the past and just kind of fine tuning that process. Obviously, I love my parents, and I wouldn't be here without them. Their support has been invaluable to me and to our family because they are such great supporters. 

They are always wanting to do what's best for the kids, what's they take places. Like I don't like Burger King, but my parents and my kids know that if they want to go to Burger King or McDonald's, they will call my parents. So, they will come, they will get to talk about it amongst themselves. And then they came to me and said, can you call nine night for because we want to go to McDonald's. And I know that I call my parents and I'm like, hey, can you take them here? And they are do.

So, it's not just an awareness of what I didn't have, which was I didn't have the ability to regulate my emotions properly. So where does that come from, how I can improve that, what does that actually mean? And what does that mean for the children when I am in a space where it's just hard, honestly, like my emotions I think

They're not a burden anymore. I used to see them as a burden. They're not. They're just a portal. A portal that takes me to a deeper reflection. But it is not always the most enjoyable portal per se, because they could be hard. And like you say, it depends on where I'm at in the world. They could be hand grenades and others. And that's not fun. That's not everyone's fault. That is not

My husband's, you know, because my husband's really we have a great partnership, I'd really think sometimes he sees the worst of it. And yeah, it's just a lot of work there. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Rick (49:11.258)

Okay. Well, you know, during the conversation you shared things about the environment you grew up in as a child, what would you like to for your children to remember most about growing up in your home?

Julieta Duvall (49:31.892)

That is such a beautiful question. And I think it is because I want them to remember the flexibility that we have as a family, but also I want them to remember us, my husband and me, following our creative endeavors, making time for our creativity. 

Yes, I want them to see that there is value in creativity. There is value in taking time for yourself and that it's a gift for other people. Because so many times we turn that off in the in the name of in the name of parenting, in the name of work that must be done and it's just it doesn't serve anyone.

I want them to remember how we were able to make time for ourselves.

Rick (50:31.848)

That's nice. That's very beautiful. Let me ask you a closing question here. Now, if I have this right, your mission is helping families create deeper connections as they rediscover themselves. So that said, if listeners just took one idea from today's conversation, what do you hope that is?

Julieta Duvall (50:55.771)

Just one idea. Well, you know, I really think it comes down to like making time for yourself. Like you are so worthy and at the end of the day, the wheels that we put ourselves in, you know, like the wheel of work, the wheel of being trapped to something else, those wheels were always skip spinning. But our life is limited. I think it's like the answer I gave in my first interview; our life is limited. So, make time for yourself because you are so worthy of that. So yeah, just make time for yourself and see what shows up. Yes.

Rick (51:42.805)

I like that. That's cool. So, since we last spoke the first time, I've added something different towards the end of our conversation. And it's what I call speed round questions. It's just kind of short, spontaneous, that's all. So, I've got six, but they're relatively simple. So let me give you the first one. 

What was the best live concert you ever attended and why?

Julieta Duvall (51:51.985)

Yeah, I love that. Okay. His name is Nicho Inujosa. It's he's similar very similar to Jack Johnson's style, which is like, you know, acoustic. I just love quiet acoustic life and live music like that. So, it just feels so relaxing. That's why it's relaxing, yes.

Rick (52:26.632)

Good, I like that. here's a good one. Well, what do you wish you had more time to do?

Julieta Duvall (52:33.436)

Sewing.

Rick (52:37.364)

I thought you might say that. God. what is it about sewing that really captures your world?

Julieta Duvall (52:50.212)

I find it to be such a power. There's a power to create.

But there's also like a life thing, like you can do something, but you can also undo it. It's like when you commit to something that you don't want to, you can also undo it. It's like sewing. You grab that that seam ripper thingy, that it's a fabulous tool, and you can undo it. So you get to try and to refine your process again. You get to redo it. 

Obviously, some fabrics may be too delicate to even do that, but the idea of making something almost out of nothing, and then to know that nothing is ever like fully broken. I just find it to be such a parallel with life. Like life, nothing is ever absolute. Like there's always an option, there's always a way, there's always something. 

And I really, I really love that. I mean, I love efficiency as a manifest and generator in human design. That is one of the things that I am passionate about. I love efficiency. Like if I could have a job, it would be like an efficiency coordinator or efficiency consultant or something like that though. Because there's always, I always see a way to make it better or to save some time or to be efficient. And I just love that. So sewing to me it's that way of keep trying to do something and just keep doing it better. Like it's just so magical. So magical.

Rick (54:28.774)

Okay, so the next time you and I talk we're going to talk about sewing. That'll be the theme.

Julieta Duvall (54:32.392)

Yeah, that'll be the theme. Yes, I love it. It's just so close to life. So, I love that. Yes.

Rick (54:39.582)

What was your first paying job?

Julieta Duvall (54:43.315)

Babysitter, yes.

Rick (54:45.126)

This might be a good one for you. If your husband and your kids wrote a book about you, what would the title be? And why?

Julieta Duvall (54:56.793)

My goodness. The title would be ‘The Emotional lives of books and Sewing of my mother. I think that's what they would do. That that's what they would be. That's what he would be. The emotional lives of books and sewing with my mother.

And why? Because I love books and I have them all over the house. There is a way, there's a personality thing associated with me in books, I think, because I am literally obsessed with them and I think the boys see that. and

And sewing now, that's all I talk about. I sit with the boys, and I do mending with different projects. So, I just kind of, you know, we're just going to chat. So, there's not a lot about like instruction per se. I'm just sitting there. So, it's something that they're actively seeing. I'm always reading. I have a lot of books. I have research books. I love them. And I always I'm always talking about them. And then my emotions are like I said, are deeply really high or they can be really low. 

So, there's always some sort of a you know, like there's an emotional wave always running through the house, I feel. I mean, yes. I mean, I yeah. I've done a lot of work with that because my emotions affect other people. So, I'm always conscientious about letting them know what is happening in my emotional landscape, so they don't take it for themselves. 

Sometimes I could just say I just need some time alone or sometimes, you know, something happened and I'm like this is how I feel or but it's nothing that you have to fix. And you didn't make me feel this way. So, they like understand that. But my intention is to let them know that my emotions are not their responsibility. They are mine.

Rick (56:59.116)

Mm. Okay. That's that's great. Yeah, I I love living our reading books myself. I'm finishing up on the book called Theo of Golden.

Julieta Duvall (57:10.168)

I think I have seen that. What's the book about though? 

Rick (57:13.618)

Well, I don't want to tell you too much. But I'll tell you a little bit. It's a person who goes to this town and he walks into this coffee shop, sees sketches of various people, and he decides to take each picture to purchase it and then meets the person that is in that sketch. But I don't want to tell you too much, but I will tell you this, they are going to make it into a movie.

And Tom Hanks is going to play the main actor, Theo.

Julieta Duvall (57:42.656)

That's so fun.

Julieta Duvall (57:46.517)

I love him. He's such a great actor though. I love his work. I'm going to look into it though. Yeah, right now I love, you know, I discovered what I call 3D learning. So, it's like I read the books about sewing. So that's how I've been getting into it a lot more because I'm reading books about sewing. I have listened to podcasts about sewing. I am doing the sewing and I am like journaling on the sewing too. So, it's like different mediums. They have helped me be more immersed into this like whole new world. I love that so much. Okay.

Rick (58:23.372)

Okay, I got two more questions. Okay, so you've had your typical hard day. You're tired. You want to come home, kick back? What would be your comfort food to go to?

Julieta Duvall (58:38.078)

Bread and butter. Bread with butter. Yes. Totally. Yes. Totally. Yes.

Rick (58:47.638)

Okay, final question. what would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn't fail? I mean, try it, it will work. What would that be?

Julieta Duvall (59:01.312)

What would I attempt to do if I knew I couldn't fail?

Write a book, I think. Mostly because I get stumped because I have just too many things, too many thoughts, and I'm just like, just put the time to it, Julieta. Cause I have yes. I think it would be just like writing it, like really actually like putting it out and taking the time to do it. Yeah. I think that would be it. Yes. Right in the write in the book.

Rick (59:38.152)

That's great. Well, Julieta, this has been a very insightful conversation. I just love your openness and your honesty. You know how you describe things. you're a very gentle so. You really are.

Julieta Duvall (59:57.992)

Thank you. And you're a master of building the narrative because your questions after I got to the email of the questions, you know, like how the structure would be for this podcast, honestly, like I just kept thinking about it and it really brought like a deeper reflection out of me. And I absolutely love that. And I'm so grateful for it.

Rick (01:00:20.362)

I really thank you for that. That's well, gosh, making me blush. Okay, and to my audience, I hope you really enjoyed this episode. I will provide information about Julieta's program and other tangible information that you'll find very insightful. And to that end I thank everybody for joining and we'll talk to you soon.

Julieta Duvall (01:00:24.08)

Yeah, yes, thank you so much. It's been a pleasure.