Interview #16 Abi King - Breaking free from the chains of Alcohol Addiction

Transcript, July 8, 2025

Rick Barron (00:00.714)

Hi everyone. I'm Rick Barron, your host and welcome to my podcast, That's Life, I Swear. So, here's a question. How many of you know just how hard and how life changing the road to sobriety can be? My guest today is Abi King. 

She has shared with me how she has spent several years trapped in alcohol addiction, living a life that looked fine on the outside, but was filled with a silent struggle inside. When she got sober, everything changed. 

Not only did she find freedom, she discovered that life without alcohol can be full, vibrant, and anything but dull. Abi is now a certified sobriety coach and the host of the Sober Connection podcast, where she shares honest, and raw conversations about everyday drinking and the unexpected joys of living sober. Through her work and podcasts, she's helping others see that sobriety isn't about missing out. It's about gaining everything. 

Today we'll talk about addiction, recovery, and why living alcohol-free might be just the most radical choice you can ever make. 

Please join me as I have my conversation with Abi King. 

Abi, welcome to the show.

Abi (01:30.478)

Hi Rick, how are you?

Rick Barron (01:32.12)

Very good, thank you. my gosh, I've been looking forward to this conversation ever since I heard your first episodes off your podcast. And when I heard your delivery, your sincere honesty and what you were talking about in terms of sobriety, my first instinct was I gotta talk to this lady. And that's when I reached out to you, honestly. 

For the benefit of those who are listening, can you give us kind of a brief overview of who you are and how you kind of came into this journey of being a sobriety coach?

Abi (02:12.179)

Yeah, sure. So, I am originally from the UK. I left England in 2005 and moved over to New Zealand. I had been drinking since the age of 14. So, for me, I grew up as an only child. I found that when I drank I became cool and all the boys wanted to talk to me and I just had this confidence that I now know was just this, yeah, this is this mask of who I actually was.

I went through all of my teens drinking. I know it's quite different in the States, obviously the drinking age is 21 where you guys are, but in the UK, a lot of kids start drinking at around 14, 15, certainly back then in the 90s. I ended up meeting my now ex-husband who was a Kiwi over in the UK and he brought me over to New Zealand where I had three children.

And just kind of just drinking was just always something that I did. It wasn't anything, it wasn't really out of control. Everyone else around me was doing it. I didn't really feel like it was a problem until I probably got to about 40. And I just started really sort of thinking about it and thinking that maybe this isn't what I should be doing. I three young kids and I wasn't potentially being a great role model for them.

So, I decided to try and quit. didn't think it would be difficult at all. And turns out that it was really, really hard. And that specific moment then was when I realized that I had a drinking problem. So, I spent four years trying to quit. It was a really rough road. It was really, hard. 

And then when I finally quit in March 2022, I set up an Instagram page and I started getting messages from people saying that my story was inspiring them and they were going to quit alcohol just to kind of try it. And I thought that was really cool because I hadn't sort set out to inspire people, I was just kind of on my own journey. But yeah, I decided to look into that a little bit more and I did a psychology and counseling paper and then became a certified life coach.

And since then, I have now become a sobriety coach. So, I try and help people with who are struggling like I was just giving them the support and non-judgmental advice that I needed when I was trying to quit that I didn't have. So, I'm trying to be that person for other people. So that's pretty much where I'm at now.

Rick Barron (05:05.517)

Wow. Going back to some of the things that you've said, you said you talked to individuals who are now going through this journey of wanting to become sober. Have you, I mean, I don't know how long you've been doing this. It's been about a few years you've been doing this coaching. 

Abi (05:21.489)

Yeah, yeah, so I've been sober for over three years now. So, it was probably I did about 18 months on the psychology and counseling paper. So, it's a diploma and then within that was the life coaching as well and then I was doing a few other bits and pieces as well. 

So, it's probably only in the last part of the year that I've been coaching other people, but yeah, I also have free content that people can look at on Instagram and that obviously my podcast, but yeah, I have one-on-one coaching and group coaching sessions that I do for people that want more sort of specific tailored help, you know, specific to their situations. So yeah.

Rick Barron (06:02.784)

Okay, okay, that kind of opens up another question other than the one I was going to ask you. This piece works in perfectly. Over the year that you've been talking to individuals or groups, let's start with the groups. Do you ever find that as a group, people still have a hidden tendency to like, I want to open up, but I can't. And what are you seeing? 

What have you discovered over these group discussions that seem to be kind of the trend as to why people can't let go of that bottle or that drink.

Abi (06:41.639)

I think, I think with the group sessions, it's kind of, people join the group sessions because they don't want to feel like they're on their own. I think with addiction, a lot of times, for any kind of addiction, it's something that people don't like to admit. there's a stigma attached to addiction, obviously and so, it can be very lonely. It can be very isolating when you sort of realize.

So, I think these group sessions is, okay, you're in a room or a Zoom or whatever, however we're doing it. 

And we're with other people that have acknowledged that they have a problem and so then you don't feel so alone. So, it's bringing in that community sort of feeling and that support that we're all kind of going through the same thing and I think that's really that can be really powerful definitely. A lot of times people are struggling to put the bottle down. 

A lot of it is to do with stigma and that sort of social thought that having a problem with drinking is your problem. It's not a societal problem. It's actually you haven't been able to handle your drink. You're the one with the problem. You need to sort it out when actually it's not like that at all. It is a societal problem. And there's so much I don't know about in the States, but certainly for New Zealand and also the UK, people that don't drink are the strange ones. 

It's like there's a, you know we're the pariahs we're the weird ones that don't want to drink but actually it should really be the other way around.

Rick Barron (08:29.166)

What about the individuals who come to you and not part of a group? Do you find that they're more apt to be open because it's just you and them versus what you hear from a group session?

Abi (08:43.409)

Yeah, I think so. I think the people that come to one-on-one coaching, they like the anonymity. It's very confidential. It's just you and me, and we're just going to have a chat, and we can pinpoint specifics to why they're drinking, why they're struggling to quit, all of these different things that we probably can't do as much in a group session.

So, with the group sessions, we all kind of like talk and somebody might go, oh yeah, that's me too. And then there's that relatable conversation, but with one-on-one, there's still a lot of shame attached. Like I was saying before, there's still a lot of shame attached around having a drinking problem. It's seen as your issue and everybody else is gonna take a step back. So, a lot of people still prefer that one-on-one because there's no judgment, it's just me.

It's just me and them. And I'm an open book, so I am very open about my struggles and the things I got up to when I was drinking. And so that helps people feel a lot more relatable, a lot more relaxed, and then they can open up to me. So yeah, I'm never going to judge anybody because I've been there.

Rick Barron (09:58.226)

I mean, that's a good point. mean, even if you've never been there, I think the last thing people want to hear is someone being very judgmental because they may say, well, look, sure, I have a drinking problem, but you haven't been down the road I've been. And I think to that end, you think where the conversation could end abruptly. But I think that being addicted to alcohol can also be very emotional. 

Abi (10:05.907)

Yeah.

Rick Barron (10:29.164)

I'm sure you come across individuals who want help, but do you ever sense that they have a sense of struggling to just say, I want to tell you something, but I just can't do it?

Abi (10:41.491)

Yeah, there's a lot of, mean, alcohol, people that drink, people that do any sort of addiction, it's what you find when you quit is that it's been masking something else. So, it's not actually about drinking alcohol. 

It's, so for me, so my story was that when I was 17, I got into an abusive relationship with somebody and I was in that relationship for four years where I was, physically and sexually abused and obviously psychologically as well for four years. And so, my coping mechanism, because I'd been drinking since the age of 14, alcohol became my coping mechanism. And at the age of 17 to 21, you know, my brain was still forming properly. And so, then that became a lifelong coping mechanism for me. 

That seems to be the case with a lot of people. They're masking something by drinking or taking drugs or whatever it is. So, you've got to get to the reason for it. And that obviously can be quite hard for some people to acknowledge because some people have either buried it too deep, they don't want to talk about it ever again, whatever trauma it is, you know, but I do find that that seems to be a lot of the cases that once you actually get down to the nitty-gritty about why they drink. 

It's not because they like the taste of alcohol. It's because they're masking something and they like the way it makes them feel numb or that they can't feel anything when they're drinking. yeah.

Rick Barron (12:10.752)

Right. So, I know you mentioned earlier for yourself, it was a struggle. For you, why was it a struggle? I mean, you would think, okay, I stopped drinking tomorrow. You know, everything's fine. But I've heard other people who have said they have tried it and tried as hard as they could. 

They just couldn't let go of having that one drink and they're right back at it again. What for you was the struggle or struggles, if you will?

Abi (12:44.287)

So, for me, I, I mean, I did a lot of work over those four years where I was, I thought that it was just a case of when I first started trying to not drink, I thought it was just, I have to just not drink. I thought it

was as easy as that. and then when I realized, shit, actually, this is, this is quite hard. I must have a drinking problem. 

I started and I kept just trying to moat like, put in moderation, different rules of what I can drink, that's not gonna work. Okay, I had to get to the point where I had to say to myself, okay, you've got to quit, it's all or nothing. You can't have more than, you can't have that first drink because that first drink always leads into five, 10 until you're blacked out. Like I couldn't just have one drink and be done with it. Once I had that realization, then I could work on the fact of how that was gonna make me feel of never, potentially never drinking ever again. 

And that's very scary for lots of people, that idea of never ever doing something ever again, that seems like a long time. So, then you have to go back to just going one day at a time and just getting through one day and then try the next and it's working for now. And, you know, if it's working for now and you're enjoying it, keep doing it until, you know, you get to a certain point. 

So, but yeah, I kept educating myself and kept learning about what my triggers were and mine were loneliness.

Fear of missing out was a massive one for me and boredom. So having come over from the UK to New Zealand, when I had my kids, my husband and I had three kids under three. So, we had three very, very young children all at once. And it was stressful. We also had bought a restaurant at that point. So, my husband was working at the restaurant a lot. 

I was home alone with the kids a lot and I was just exhausted and I didn't have a support network, didn't have people, I didn't really know that many people.

Abi (14:46.225)

Drink became my reward at the end of the day, once I had a full-on day with the kids, get them off to bed and I could sit on the couch in front of the TV with a glass of wine and whew, that's my distress. You know, that's my time to just chill. 

But unfortunately, that one glass turned into two and then all of a sudden, the bottle's gone and then I'm asking my husband to bring another bottle home from work and you know that and that's how it happens and it's very, very easy and it's very sneaky, but that's exactly how a lot of people find themselves all of a sudden drinking way more than they had been a few months ago. yeah, that was my issue.

Rick Barron (15:28.109)

I've listened to all your podcasts. I've caught up since I got back from Canada, but in the first couple of episodes, I heard a few people in the column that part of the process of getting sober they then saw that they were losing friendships because of it Why do you think that takes place? I mean, I would think that someone would see while he or she did it, maybe they can help me, but rather, okay, you're no longer any fun to be around with now.

Abi (16:02.363)

Yeah, yeah, and unfortunately, that's the that is the line that people go down as opposed to, wow, she's doing really well. Maybe she could help me. mean, that would be amazing if people had that thought pattern. But unfortunately, because it's so ingrained in our society, like I was saying before, you are an outsider if you don't drink, especially in New Zealand and in the UK to some extent. I think it's getting better in the UK, but certainly here in New Zealand, it's pretty a pretty toxic culture with drinking. 

Yeah, I sort of got a friend group that I used to hang out with, but all we did was centered around drinking. So, kids birthday parties, yeah, cool. We're going to a kid's birthday party, picking up a box of beer on the way, staying until two, three in the morning. Well, my five-year-old kid doesn't want to stay up until two, three in the morning, but here we are, all the adults are drinking. 

So, it was a lot of that and there was a lot of just, yeah, just, and everything we did kind of centered around drinking. that was again, that was my FOMO kicking in of why it took me a long time to quit because I found that I would stop getting invited to catch-ups and birthday parties and all this kind of stuff. 

And then that meant that my kids weren't invited to birthday parties, which I got guilty about because you know, back when I was drinking, they would get invited. And now that I'm not drinking, they're not getting invited. So, they're missing out. So, then I go back to drinking so that they didn't, you know, so was like this. It was, yeah, was pretty crazy. And it took me a long, long time. And I finally just thought, I want my sobriety more than I want this. So, I, you know, I finally got to quitting and all of those friends just dropped off. So yeah.

Rick Barron (17:59.756)

Well, it just kind of shows who your true friends really are.

Abi (18:02.803)

Exactly, they were drinking buddies. They were drinking buddies at end of the day. A year after I quit, I actually moved towns. I left my husband and moved to a town two hours away where I knew absolutely nobody. My two eldest daughters were down at school here. They were at boarding school. So, I moved down here, pulled the kids out of boarding school. They living with me. The youngest was still living up with her dad.

Rick Barron (18:04.663)

Yeah.

Abi (18:30.323)

So, we had this big transition thing a year after my sub right after I got sober, but I didn't know anybody. So, it was like a clean slate. So, everybody that's met me down here in New Plymouth knows me as sober Abi. They don't know me as drunk Abi. And I just think that that's the best thing ever. No, well, and I'm glad of that.

Rick Barron (18:45.71)

They don't know what they're missing. You know, you probably have come across many people who are scared to imagine life without alcohol. How do you approach someone like that? I don't know if there's a magic question or statement that tells them you don't have to be afraid. How do you approach someone like that?

Abi (19:18.963)

It is hard and it's a perfectly valid feeling. As I said to you, I was drinking from the age of 14. I'm now 47. So, I gave up three years ago. So, 30 years of my life, I had alcohol. I was involved with drinking. That was my identity. I was known as somebody who drank. Was, you know, ‘Abi's a good time’. You know, it's just that becomes your identity. 

And so, to get rid of that it's kind of like, who am I then? You just actually don't know who you are. And it's not when you first get sober, you're just trying to get through each day and just trying to take up the numbers and get those milestones under your belt. But after a year or so, you actually start looking at who you actually are and what you like and what you like to do. I didn't know all of that. My hobby was drinking. 

So, I drank every single day to not have that all of a sudden, but all of a sudden you've just got so much more time because you're not drinking or thinking about it or recovering from it. So, there's so much more time in that 24 hours of a day that you can just do whatever you can do hobbies, you can go and try new things. And the world just becomes a much more exciting place. So, yeah.

Rick Barron (20:37.838)

You know, yeah. Yeah. Going back to your podcast, there was one individual, can't remember their name, but what really struck me was what they shared with you. There was a moment where they were looking for change on the ground because they wanted to go to this bar. I think they're in the UK and they didn't want to just go in to the bar and watch television. 

So, the fact that he was walking around looking for change on the ground, I thought to myself, well, it was at that point, you are at a point in your life where you're so desperate for a drink that you're now searching the surface on the ground to find a few coins just to buy a drink. I mean, to me that that really hit me. I found that very emotional.

Abi (21:00.486)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was Michael, that was my second guest interview, yeah.

Abi (21:34.397)

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it gets pretty desperate. You know, when you're... I mean, it's an addiction. You put it above all else. I put it above my children. The amount of times that I prioritize my drinking over my kids is horrendous. You know, like I still have huge guilt about it now. And that's something that I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life, you know, when they were little.

Rick Barron (21:40.942)

Hmm.

Abi (22:05.903)

I would literally prioritize drinking over hanging out with them, you know, and it just makes me so sad to think that now, but it becomes a desperation. it's, mean, it's whether it's alcohol or whether it's heroin, you know, you've got to get your next fix. And that's, that's, that's what it comes down to, you know, and that's what you're trying to do. So yeah, it's sad, sad.

Rick Barron (22:23.246)

Hmm.

Rick Barron (22:28.628)

Well, yeah, but again, you know, not to make excuses, but I know many people, and I know of some people who have, you know, hit the bottle very hard, but I know what has happened in their life. And it's almost, they're wanting to talk to a friend, you know, this bottle is not going to talk back to me. I'm to have my drink and I'm just going to wallow in my sorrows. 

And I think, you know, I'm sure you've come across some people who have some very raw and overwhelming stories and without mentioning names, what individual did you come across that you realize this person is really way off? They need help desperately.

Abi (23:28.751)

Yeah, there's been a few. I'm lucky enough that everybody that's come to me so far has wanted help. And I think that's the big key is that you have to want it. There's no point in people, I think that's my cousin drinks too much and I want them to get help, you well that's not going to work. 

If your cousin doesn't want help, they're not going to get help, they're not going to change. You know, that acknowledgement that you need help is where you need to start. And it doesn't matter whether you're... It doesn't really matter if you're a five bottle of wine a day drinker or you like a glass every so often. I always just say to people, if it's causing you issues in any aspect of your life, then it's causing you issues and it's enough to have a look at and see if we can change it. Yeah, there's people from all walks of life and all different variations of an alcohol dependence. But yeah, it's that wanting to have help is the key, think, irrespective of what your background story is, I think. Yeah.

Rick Barron (24:40.174)

Going back to when you were, I guess in the early stages of drinking and it just felt like, this is what one does. If you could go back and talk to your younger self, what advice would you have given them knowing what you know today?

Abi (25:01.395)

Well, it's a tough one. It would depend on what age. Yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely stages. I mean, I think when I was a teenager, I was just out and having fun, you know, and I was drinking and there was drug taking and stuff as well. You know, there was, was the nineties in the UK. So, there was, you know, there was underground raves and drugs flying everywhere. And so, I mean, it was, it was a good time, but it was, like I said, It wasn't problematic at that point. was just kind of, it's what everybody did. I think, then, sorry, just bear with me a second. I've just got to my dog out because she's, she just.

Rick Barron (25:39.704)

Sure, no worries.

Abi (25:47.185)

So sorry, she's whining at the door. I think it became problematic when I got in that domestic abuse relationship. I think I should have just listened to my gut and just got out as quickly as I could. But unfortunately, when you're in that kind of situation, that fear of trying to escape is pretty...It's very, very hard to escape a situation like that. Yeah, I would definitely would have changed that. 

I think that would have changed the trajectory of my life quite considerably if I hadn't have gone through those four years. If that hadn't have happened, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you right now. So, it's kind of everything happens for a reason. Right. Yes, I think.

I don't know, it's a really hard one. Like I said, it depends on ages and stages. I do feel like my drinking got worse when I decided to quit. So, when I'd made that decision and realized, maybe I do have a bit of a drinking problem when I tried to quit initially. It's almost like alcohol kind of got its claws into me and I'd have sober stints, but then something would happen and I didn't have the skills. 

So, then I would go back to drinking and you know, maybe I would just talk to myself then and just tell myself to educate myself a little bit sooner than I had because it wasn't until I started reading the scientific facts about alcohol that I really started to notice a progress in my getting to a point of quitting. yeah, it's really, it's hard because obviously life happens and it happens a certain way and it happens differently for me than it has for you, but going back to trying to tell yourself, give yourself advice. Yeah, I don't know if I'd have listened.

Rick Barron (27:46.094)

No, that's an honest answer. mean, you know over the people that you've met overtime, everyone's going to have a different progression when he or she gets sober. It could be quick. It could be fast or a long time. But when they finally realize I can do this, I'm going to make it, is there anything that you help them understand?

If you even get this inkling that you want to have a drink, think these thoughts out in your mind. Sort of like a study guide, if you will.

Abi (28:23.057)

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I still do this myself. So, I still get cravings, but I obviously learned how to deal with them now. The main one that I say is just to play it forward. So, if you're craving a drink, so will it be just one drink? If it's just gonna be one drink, then fine, but it's never been just one drink before. 

So, the chances are, is you're gonna have that one drink and then you're gonna probably wanna have another one, and then where is that gonna lead you to the end of the night? So how does the end of the night look or how does tomorrow morning look? What have you done in those hours where you've been drinking? And those are all the reasons why you're trying to quit in the first place, I'd say, 

I would imagine. So that kind of drinking to blackout or waking up at three in the morning with crazy anxiety or feeling really, really rough for the entire day and ignoring your kids the next day, know, all of those things are the reason why you're trying to quit in the first place. So, focus on those, imagine those and see if you still want to drink in five minutes time. And nine times out of 10, most people would say, oh, no, I'll have a cup of tea instead.

Rick Barron (29:39.054)

Tea? What's that? On your website, again, you say you're a very open book. And I know you shared this with me when we first got to know one another, but you also mentioned it on your website. And what I'm getting ask is that one of the, I guess, turning points for you was when your youngest daughter said that when you drink, your voice gets I don't know, deep, if you will, and it bothered her.

When you heard that, Abi, what went through your mind?

Abi (30:17.843)

I was devastating. Yeah, yeah. So that was my middle daughter. that was, so I turned 40 in the April 2018 and this and I'd sort of had a couple of goes at trying to quit and I'd struggled and in the November of 2018, my middle daughter, so she was nine at the time. She said, mommy, don't like it when you drink, I don't like the sound of your voice. And it wasn't that I was scary. I mean, I would have got my voice would have got louder, but the slurring she didn't like that sort of freaked her out. And yeah, it just it's just no parent wants to hear that. No, I just I mean, it was devastating. So, she but she hit the nail on the head and I will be eternally grateful to her forever.

Rick Barron (30:57.162)

No, yeah.

Abi (31:10.651)

What happened was she told me that during the day and then in the evening I put them to bed and I got drunk and I sat with it and I was just sitting in front of the TV but I was really thinking about what she'd said and I ended up videoing myself on my camera and it's on my Instagram page, it's pinned to the top of the Instagram page, the video and I just said, I'm sick of this, I'm so embarrassed, I don't wanna be this parent.

I need help. And it was maybe a four-minute video and I went off to bed and woke up in the morning. And then I saw it and I'd actually posted it without realizing I'd posted it on a Facebook sobriety page, One Year No Beer it was called. And I had, I don't know, hundreds of messages from people just going, wow, this is so brave. We support you. We can help you.

Send us the help if you need, know, and all of this. It was incredible. It was actually incredible. But I think that was the catalyst for me to really, really start trying harder to get sober. Yeah. Whereas before it had been quite half-assed, but the fact that my kids had said that they didn't like it, I was just like, well, I don't want to be that mum. So, yeah.

Rick Barron (32:16.983)

Wow.

Rick Barron (32:27.17)

Well, that was very brave of you. I mean, wow! I mean, the whole world is seeing this but you know it at times it's moments like that's kind of an emotional slap in the face that tells you look where you're going and as you said, you've got to stop. Gotta do it for yourself and I think your children seeing where you have been and where you are now, your children have to be extremely proud of you. And I think you have instilled in them that there are hurdles that you're going to encounter in life. This is one of them. I hope it doesn't happen to you. But you have to learn how to dig deep inside and fight, win, and survive.

Abi (33:03.269)

Yeah, they are. Yeah, absolutely.

Rick Barron (33:25.376)

And I think that that says a lot about you, Abi. It really does. You should really be very, very proud of that.

Abi (33:32.499)

Yeah, I am. And yeah, it has been, I mean, they've watched this whole journey. So, they've seen me go from a daily drinker to somebody that's tried so hard to quit for four years. Know, sometimes I'd go months without drinking and then other times something minor would happen and it would be a slight inconvenience and I'd, you know, I'm just going to get drunk, you know, and then they'd walk in and they'd, you know, that look of disappointment on their faces, you know, just, it would just kill me every single time. But as I, I just knew that I wanted it for me and for them and that they deserved my attention 100 % of the time, which is like I was saying before, I wasn't giving them my attention all the time because my alcohol was taking a front seat. So, and now they've seen, you know, obviously three years down the line, my life has changed.

Beyond recognition, you know. 

I've left their dad, you know, our relationship wasn't great. And I should have left a long time ago, but I didn't, you know, I was too focused on drinking and sort of thinking that things were all right. So, they've seen me leave an unhappy marriage, which I think is very, a really good message for I've got three daughters. So very good message for three, three young women to see that you don't have to stay in an unhappy marriage. If you know, you can go, go, go it alone if you, if you want, you know.

So, they've seen that and they've, you know, I've, I've, I've retrained, I've changed careers. I've done so much stuff. and it's been really, really cool. I'm actually hoping to get them on my podcast, to interview them and do a, do a, do an episode where they're talking about what it was like when I was drinking, what it was like when I was trying to quit and what it's like now. And I think that will be a really beautiful episode, but I'm, I'm still working on them at the moment. They haven't, they haven't all agreed yet, so we'll see.

Rick Barron (35:28.942)

Well, that'll take some time, but I think it's a podcast that would be well received by many people because I'm sure that you come across many clients who have families. And I think if other kids can see other kids talking about what their experience was like, like, okay, I can relate to this person. So, I hope you can do it. I wish you success. I want you to do it one day.

Abi (35:34.141)

Mm. Yeah.

Abi (35:54.565)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I might, well, I'm taking them to Bali in September, we're going to Bali for a couple of weeks. So maybe I'll say, you know, as repayment for that, they got to come on my podcast. Yeah.

Rick Barron (35:57.166)

You gotta do it now. That's a nice bribe. So, over the time that you've been talking to people and helping them overcome their drinking issues, do you ever reconnect with some of these people who have been very successful and they're getting on the right track now?

Abi (36:28.655)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I always make a point of still, you know, reaching out to people so they might've done a, you know, a coaching program with me and then, you know, I'll let, I will check in on them. Or, you know, we have, I can see them on Instagram and see how their lives are going or however we touch on, touch base on social media. But I always try and catch up with them once a month, just check in, hey, how you going? 

And, you know, that's just part of my thing just to make sure that they're all still on the right track. but yeah, I mean, I've had some amazing success stories. So, it's been, it's been really, really cool to see. that, you know, I always sort of said that back when I was trying to quit, you know, I looked at all these people on social media and I'd be just in awe of people that were a year or two years or five years down the track sober and I'm like, wow, these guys are amazing. I'll never ever get there. And you do.

And now all of a sudden, you all the help that I had from them, I'm now becoming the help. it sort of, makes this whole awful thing, this addiction that, you know, people are in their darkest, darkest places with addiction. If you can turn that around and it becomes like this full circle thing where other people have, they've been through the journey themselves and now they're helping others. I think that that's a really beautiful thing. So yeah, it's really cool to be a part of.

Rick Barron (37:48.598)

Wow. In the, in the time where you were, you know, in the early days of your drinking to where you then got on the sobriety track. And now you have this great podcast, a great website. And, to those who are listening, please go to her website. I'm going to post it on my show notes, but read her blog post. If you want to read some very honest raw conversation, Abi's it. So please do that. No, I really mean that. 

But in the time that you've been down this road, what are some of the things you've learned about yourself?

Abi (38:24.427)

Thank you. Thanks.

Abi (38:35.397)

Well, I've learnt heaps about myself. I've learnt that I have undiagnosed ADHD. I'm pretty sure I've been to doctor about it and run a few tests and stuff and it would appear that I have ADHD which I didn't realize at all when I was drinking. there are studies showing links to ADHD and addiction.

So that's actually really interesting. But yeah, so I've learned that. And so, then that's kind of sort of shaped how I manage my life. So yeah, things can be pretty interesting at times. I have learned that whereas I thought I was...love being around people and I was a social butterfly and the life and soul of the party. Turns out that I can't think of anything worse now. And I much prefer my own company and just I have a very small group of friends and they are very, very dear to me and I don't need to go outside of that too much. You know, I, and I, and I get overstimulated easily. 

I think that's part of the ADHD and that I have to recharge and spend time by myself walking my dog on the beach or whatever it is. Yeah, all these things that I thought, you know, I was this big wild party animal, but it turns out that that was, that's not a side of me at all. So, I'm much, much happier just on the couch reading a book. yeah.

Rick Barron (40:04.898)

Have you ever had someone come to you for help and you have a sidebar discussion where they're saying, you know, I'm only here because of my wife or because my husband wants me to come and talk to you. And they can't bring themselves to say, yeah, I do have a drinking problem. How do you work with someone like that? 

Abi (40:37.507)

Yeah, I haven't come across it too much, actually. I've been really lucky in that the people that have approached me have approached me for themselves. I have talked to a couple of people who have been worried about their partners drinking or, you know, just not knowing how to, how to deal with it as somebody on the outside that wants to help, but they don't want the help. 

It's, but I haven't actually, I haven't actually spoken to anybody that doesn't really want the help or doesn't see that they have a problem. I know lots of people who don't think that they have a problem, but they're just people that I know. And I won't approach them. I'll just kind of, yeah, sit on the sidelines and just quietly observe.

Rick Barron (41:22.292)

Gosh, what have you found to be most, I guess if you had to pick like a top two or top three emotional issues that people go through with trying to fight this addiction because it's, because I've known some people who have gone to sobriety coaches. Some were very successful and I've heard one person said it was like living a life of hell and that I wanted to get out and they stuck it out but it was extremely difficult for them. 

What are some of those emotions you've come across with people that seem to stick out the most as being the hurdles to get over this alcohol addiction?

Abi (42:11.939)

I think the biggest one is just not admitting to yourself or to, you know, you've got to admit to yourself that you have a problem. And I think a lot of people don't because they know deep down that they have a drinking problem, but they don't want their life to change. And so again, what we were talking about before, you know, when it's ingrained in your life, it's what you do.

You've always done it, all your friends do it, everybody you know does it, then making that decision to move away from it is terrifying. So, I think that is the biggest hurdle, is just realizing that your life will change. And just being that people are just scared of the unknown. So, it's a lot easier to stay, stick with what you know than it is to step off, off the cliff into the unknown. 

So, yeah, I think that's the biggest hurdle for a lot of people is, and that's what I come across a lot, is that they haven't accepted that, it's that acceptance that they need to change.

Rick Barron (43:20.98)

Right. With the various people that you have interacted with, those who are single versus those who have a family, of those two, is there a difference? I mean, does someone who is married has kids, do they have more of a struggle versus someone who was not married?

Abi (43:46.351)

That's an interesting question. I've not really thought about that before. I think coming from my, when I try and help people relate to my story, obviously I was married with children. And so, then I can quite easily, well, it's not guilt tripping people, it's, I guess it sort of is, but it's just, do you really want to be, I don't ask these questions, but it's kind of, do you want to be this parent? Do you want your kids to see you like this? 

And you can ask those questions because, those are the questions that I had to ask myself. So, with a single person, I guess they've got more opportunity to get out and about. And I feel like possibly have more of a social life. So, then it becomes more of a social thing with their friends or slash drinking buddies. That's the difference there. 

So that's where they would have to change things. I mean, you do have to become a hermit when you first quit because you can't be at the pub on a Friday night until you've got, you know, until you've got yourself mentally prepared to be at a pub on a Friday night and not drink, you know, so yeah.

Rick Barron (44:53.478)

Sure, sure. What drove you to wanting to do your podcast? I mean, you became a sobriety coach, which one came first? Was it becoming a coach or then doing the podcast?

Abi (45:04.979)

Yeah, yeah, the coaching came first. And yeah, was just some, a few people just sort of said, you should do a podcast. And I've listened to a lot and I know that they were certainly very beneficial for me when I was first giving up, I used to go for a walk every day and I'd put my headphones in and just stomp up hills and listen to podcasts. 

And it was just a really, really good way of me surrounding myself with sobriety. Like I was saying before, you know, I was in this small town in New Zealand where everybody drank. So, my support came from online. I didn't go to AA meetings. They were too far away. So, my support came from what I was putting in my ears and what I was reading or what I was looking at on social media. So, podcasts were hugely, hugely beneficial for me. 

Somebody said that I should maybe give it a go and I   sat on it for about six months. And then a few months ago, I just thought, what have I got to lose? My perfectionist brain was not letting me do it. But then after, yeah, in April, I just thought, well, why not? If nobody listens to it, then I just stop doing it. But people are listening to them. So that's really cool. And I'm really enjoying it. So, I'm just going to keep doing it until either of those two things stop. So once I stop enjoying it, then I'll look at doing something else. But for now.

Rick Barron (46:32.334)

Yeah. I like how you kind of mix it up where you have a guest and then the next episode you talk about a particular topic of alcohol addiction. Was that just kind of by chance or did you plan it that way?

Abi (46:47.731)

Yeah, I did plan it that way. Yeah, I wanted to I mean a lot of podcasts are just solely just guests. I just didn't think that I would have enough people want to be on the show. So, I thought, well, if I alternate then so the ones where it's just me at 10 minutes long, they're not they're not even, you know, they're not they're not long to listen to. 

And I've had a lot of people say that they really enjoy that because it's not too long, you can listen to it on the drive to work and you've done 10-minute podcast and it's been a little bit educational hopefully and or it's made you think about a few things. And so, people are really enjoying those. And then the guest episodes, I had a dream guest list and I sat one night and just sent all these people on this dream guest list. 

Hey, how are you doing? Do you wanna be on my new podcast? And I think six out of eight of them said yes and I had like a mini heart attack and I was like, my gosh. So yeah, and it's been cool. Like I've got somebody, a guy called Sober Dave who is so well known in the sober community. I'm interviewing him next week and that's just, I mean, I'm gonna be fangirling. I'm so excited about that. He's just an absolute legend. So, he's agreed to come on and you know, that's gonna be really cool. But then on that flip side of that, I had one a couple of weeks ago that was a mate of mine who I've known for 30 years and

He's gone through rehab and his story was awful, but it was so raw and real. It's been my most listened to episode because people, think, he's just a guy, he's just a dude from Birmingham in the UK and he just told his story and people, I mean, it's a tearjerker. People have messaged me and they've like, my God, I was crying the whole time. So, it's a really, really beautiful podcast.

The other ones are from people that have done lots of podcasts in the past. So, it was like a little bit more polished. So, but it was good to get my name out there with having, having people like that on there. So, it's been, it's been really cool. I've met some really interesting people, yeah.

Rick Barron (48:52.632)

Well, that's something to bear in mind. You're saying that you sent out invites to eight people in six reposts, and they say, sure, I'll be happy to. But it's one of those things about be careful what you wish for, because as you build your name, people are going to be calling you, and you're going to have a list like, no, no more. So, I think, though, your podcast, as I said, I've listened to all of them.

Abi (49:10.139)

Yeah.

Rick Barron (49:21.418)

I like how you alternate. Like the information you call out about particular drinking habits, if you will. It's very educational. So that's why I really encourage people to come and listen to it. And as you and I both know, doing the editing process takes a long time. So, there's a lot of work and effort and the fact that you are doing a podcast, you've got your website, you're doing a blog site. I mean that must consume a lot of your time.

Abi (49:53.371)

Yeah, the blog hasn't actually happened for a while because just because I've been focused on the podcast. So that's a bit of a shame actually, but yeah, just, yeah, it does take up a lot of time. Yeah. I've got two part-time jobs and three teenage daughters as well. it's, yeah, but now I don't drink. have all this time. exactly, exactly. 

I did actually have a thing with tea. I never used to drink tea even though I'm from the UK and when I was first quitting, whenever I got a craving, I'd put the kettle on and I make myself an herbal tea. And sometimes I'd have like 10, 10 or 12 cups of tea, depending on what kind of day I was having and how triggered I was about a few things. yeah, I mean, tea, I've got one here. It's, you know, it's, it's been a lifesaver. So yeah, it's one of my tips would be if you if you get a craving, just put the kettle on. 

Rick Barron (50:45.442)

That's great.

Okay, so I know when we first talked, I told you I wanted to do something different that I've never done before in a podcast and that's what I call the speed round questions. Being you're the first I wanted to at least have you have a sense what the questions would be. So hopefully you've had some time to think about this 

So, you're ready to go?

Okay, so what was the best live concert you ever attended?

Abi (51:19.295)

The best live concert... Well, I've been to a few really amazing ones, but I think if I had to nail it down to just one, I would actually say Coldplay. I have seen them three times, and I took my girls when they were in Auckland back in November. it's just, you either love or hate Coldplay, but I still firmly believe that everybody should go and see them live because it's just the most beautiful bright, colored, everyone gets a wristband and it flashes different colors depending on the song and it's just a riot of color and just love and just really, really, you walk out just feeling so, just so buzzed. It's just, yeah, amazing, amazing, yeah.

Rick Barron (51:59.509)

Yeah, I've always wanted to see a Coldplay. 

In fact, I saw him do a YouTube production with Dick Van Dyke and the music was just beautiful. Then towards the end of the episode, Dick Van Dyke asked the lead singer, could you come up with a jingle for me about, you know, getting old? 

And he just kind of hit a couple of bars on the piano and all of a sudden he just started coming up with lyrics. And it was like, my God, he's creating a song live. And Dick Van Dyke was just beside himself, like, look at this guy. He was just astounded.

Abi (52:34.044)

Yeah.

Abi (52:37.595)

Yeah, yeah, he's cool. Yeah, he's very cool. Dick Van Dyke's very cool too. He's one of my heroes from when I was growing up. Mary Poppins and the like. Yeah, crazy, Yeah.

Rick Barron (52:42.253)

Yeah. Well, he's gonna be a hundred. He'll be a hundred come this December, I believe. So, wish him luck. 

What do you wish you had more time to do?

Abi (52:56.339)

Um, I wish I had more time with my kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think my eldest is turning 18 in September and she's planning to go overseas next year, which I'm so excited about. You know, it's amazing. I want to push them all off to do, um, traveling. I think it's incredible, but at the same time, I, you know, I, just think about the time that I missed, you know, when they were little and I just, I'm not gonna get that back. And so, yeah, just, I don't think there's ever enough time with your kids, which yeah, that would be my answer, yeah.

Rick Barron (53:32.339)

Absolutely. 

What was your first paying job?

Abi (53:37.935)

My first paying job was packing sausages in a vegetarian sausage factory. Yeah, Linda McCartney, Paul McCartney's ex-wife, she had a range of vegetarian meals back in the 90s and they were these awful sausages and there was eight in a packet and we used to have to get them off the conveyor belt and put them into boxes. Yeah.

Rick Barron (54:03.288)

Did you ever meet her?  

Abi (54:06.04)

No, no, no. No.

Rick (54:10.04)

If your parents could write a book about you, what would the title be?

Abi (54:16.676)

II was thinking about this something about my stubbornness, but I think I would probably go with The Girl Done Good.

Rick Barron (54:27.67)

I like that. I like that. And you have. You have.

Abi (54:28.443)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been through some rough patches, but I've done all right.

Rick Barron (54:34.414)

Good for you, Abi. Okay, final question. What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn't fail?

Abi (54:44.039)

I would ask the guy out that I have a crush on out on a date. But I won't. Because I'm too scared, he's going to say no.

Rick Barron (54:53.09)

Wow. Do you think he knows?

Abi (54:59.611)

Yeah, absolutely, he knows. 

Rick Barron (55:02.45)

Well, we've got you live now. So, Abi, this is the conversation I was hoping we were going to have and you've just been super. If you had one thought you wanted to leave with the audience over everything we've just discussed, what might that be?

Abi (55:28.845)

I think just, we all know somebody that drinks too much. whether it's ourselves deep down, we know, or if it's a family member or a friend. and I just, I want, I, in an ideal world and it's not at all realistic, nobody would drink because I think alcohol, and alcohol is a poison.

It causes cancer, it shrinks your brain, it does all these terrible things and people just have it on such a high pedestal. And I think my goal is to let people make a decision, whether they want to drink or not, but have it come from a place of education, you know, so that they know the risks, they still choose to drink, then that's fine. 

But I think a lot of stuff is hidden by the alcohol industry and the government and I just think that more people need to be informed of what the dangers are. So, I think educating yourself on the dangers of alcohol is just an absolute must. from there, if you want to look into getting some help, then there's people out there that can help you get that support. So yeah.

Rick Barron (56:44.234)

Great. Now those are wise, very wise words. think you hit it on the nail. The education of understanding because if you don't understand that, then you're probably never going to want to seek help. That's the hard part.

Abi (56:59.375)

Yeah, yeah. I think as well, once you do learn the dangers and what it's actually doing to your body and why you've got anxiety and why you've got this and that, you can't unlearn it. So, again, like I said, if you still choose to drink, then that's totally cool. Everyone has a right to do what they want to do. But I think a lot of people would be shocked by the realities of alcohol use. yeah, I'd love to see for less people to be drinking.

Rick Barron (57:29.546)

Absolutely. So, Abi, I want to thank you. Seriously. And I know this sounds kind of sabbie, but I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. This was a great conversation. And to those who have listened today, again, I will include various pieces of information for Abi's podcast or website. But please, I encourage you to go. It's well worth the visit. You're going to learn a lot.

Abi (57:39.847)

Thank you, Rick.

Rick Barron (57:59.522)

I want to say thank you all who have listened today and we'll talk to you very soon. You all take care. Bye bye.

Abi (58:08.765)

Bye.